The 10 Most Tedious Who Stories
The stories that make Midsomer Murders seem like 24…
Three episodes seem to simply consist of the Doctor going back and forth to the TARDIS and faffing. It's a bit like your partner going, "Oh, have I remembered the…" and popping back into the house for stuff when you're both off out, but in black and white, more frustrating and much, much longer.
The Web Planet
One hundred and fifty loooong minutes of Bill Hartnell walking over a planet which creaks while he forgets his lines. A balletic Zarbi head-butting the camera is the most entertaining thing in this monochromic dirge of a story.
Were the Quarks ever really considered to be serious contenders to replace the Daleks? Honestly? The Quarks are super-shit but not quite as much as the story. Still, it could be worse; we nearly had an extra episode of this narcolepsy-threatening nonsense.
The Ambassadors Of Death
Maybe it's a tad unfair to include this story. Truth is, I've never made it all the way through, so maybe the last episode contains a big song and dance number which makes all the previous episodes worth watching. Somehow, I doubt it.
Just the news that this 1964 dredge was being realeased on DVD recently, sent six people into an irreversible coma. Clumsy, school video project direction and an over-earnest script makes watching this story like trudging through tar. Six episodes of tedium which are best summed up by the title of the final part - A Desperate Venture.
Colony in Space
Colony In Space commits the cardinal sin of leaving the arrival of the scene-chewing Roger Delgado until the last two episodes. Delgado is by far the most entertaining thing in this furrow-browed slice of Malcolm Hulke grandstanding, which consists largely of a bunch of beardos moaning and being oppressed by "The Man" in the shape of some two-dimensional company men for six, never-ending episodes. Letts-era moralising at its spirit-sapping dullest.
The Seeds of Death
It's nice to see The Ice Warriors again, but not six episodes nice.
Doctor Who & The Silurians
The second entry on our list from Pertwee's first season, and like Ambassadors it has an interesting central premise, but with seven episodes to fill, the Doctor gets captured and escapes and faffs around so much that you begin thinking about defrosting the freezer midway through episode three.
The Dalek Invasion of Earth
The novelty of seeing the Daleks trundling around London quickly wears off. You could quite easily just add a little time to the first and last episode and cut out everything in between and have a better story. The movie is 1,678,967 times better.
The Armageddon Factor
It really pains to put this in the list cause it's a Tom Baker story and Tom Baker is THE Doctor. And that's a FACT, fanboy. Having said that, this story is Paddy-McPad-a-lot. A tedious finale to the patchy Key to Time saga, with a lot of corridor running. I seem to have wasted a lot of my life watching middle-aged thesps running up and down cheap BBC corridors. Corridors are to the classic series what unsatisfying season finales are to the current one, i.e a regular occurrence. Having said all that, we wouldn't kick episode six out of bed.
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