Lovin' The Alien

Who says the Doctor's asexual? We list the Time Lord's brushes with romance...

 

 

Cameca (The Aztecs)

The Doctor and and adoring Cameca

Difficult as it is to imagine Hartnell's Doctor in a romantic clinch, he seemed quite smitten with this worldly woman from the Aztec tribe. It's also the only time he's got properly engaged. Though, admittedly, he didn't know that simply by sharing some cocoa with her, he was asking her to marry him. Actress, Margot Van der Burgh, was only 29 at the time though, so having old Bill (56, going on 90) perv round her looked more seedy than sweetly romantic.

 

Todd (Kinda)

Todd and the Doctor, aghast!

No, not Richard Todd from Kinda, but Nerys Hughes' MILFy science officer. Though the former Liver Bird was ten years Davison's senior, there was a definite frisson between the Doctor and this purple-tights-wearing sex-boffin. It's probably the shared interest in all things science-y that gave the impression of a romance waiting to happen. But this was 1982 and with two callow youths and a gobby air stewardess in the TARDIS, it would have been difficult to keep the humping private.

 

Dr Grace Holloway (the TV Movie)

Dr Grace Holloway kisses the Doctor

Fandom erupted with predictable outrage when the Doctor chewed the face off his first on-screen woman in the 1996 TV Movie. "I finally meet the right guy and he's from another planet," she says at one point, like a line from a soggy sci-fi comedy. Maybe the lust gene only kicked in with his eighth incarnation, or maybe it was because before then he'd been stuck in bodies too ugly to convincingly lean in for a kiss with a hot lady.

 

Rose Tyler

The Doctor is kissed by Rose

They say love has no rules, but it's still a stretch to swallow that a 900-plus year old could develop romantic feelings for a teenage chavette. Why is it that in real-life we poo-poo a marriage like that of Anna Nicole-Smith, 26, and J Howard Marshall, 89, but are expected to think it's sweetly romantic in Doctor Who? His granddaughter is old enough to be her Gran. Did the Doctor love her? Nah. Did he want to screw the tracksuit off her? Probably, yes.

 

Madame de Pompadour (The Girl In The Fireplace)

Madame de Pompadour and the Doctor in The Girl In The Fireplace

Doctor Who's first explicitly romantic storyline. RTD described it as "practically a love story for the Doctor... It's very understated, very beautifully done, but it's nonetheless a Time Lord falling in love and Rose's reaction to him falling in love with someone else." It's only natural, surely, that a Time Lord would fall for someone from a similarly regal background, but with the same mischievous spirit that he has. And Sophia Myles, playing the famous mistress of Louis XV, has a winning chemistry with David Tennant, which helps sell the attraction. Of course, Tennant and Myles took that romance off the set and played genital tennis together until 2007.

 

Joan Redfern (Human Nature/Family Of Blood)

The Doctor and Joan Redfern

Whether the Doctor fell in love with this one is debatable. Was the school-teacher, John Smith, still the Doctor sans the two hearts and Time Lord memories? Was his essence still there, or was Smith a fictional character the Doctor was laying dormant in? He doesn't seem to carry any of the same feelings for her when he's reDoctored at the end, and his offer to have Joan join him on the TARDIS seems more like "the right thing to do" than anything to do with lurve. And he never even got a fumble.

 

Dr River Song

The Doctor and River Song kiss

Despite a whopping 19 year age chasm between Alex Kingston and Matt Smith, they actually make this one sizzle. She's the only woman who we've ever seen turn the Doctor into a quivering tongue-tied jelly and she's the only one you can imagine sucking Time Lord dick. Quite how many incarnations she's got down and dirty with is still a mystery though. We like to imagine a waltz with Hartnell, a tango with Troughton, a promenade with Pertwee and some light fingering with Tom. She'd probably not bother with McCoy or Colin, but she'd go wild for Davison and Eccleston.

 

The Master

The Master in his various incarnations

Is there a reason why the Master keeps following the Doctor all over the universe like some love-sick teen? Is it because there's some simmering sexual longing between the two? The Master has been mostly bearded in his regenerations, so maybe the Doctor is a "Bear" man? Later, with the Doctor not biting, he regenerates into a youthful John Simm, AND dyes his hair blonde in a last desperate attempt to get the Doctor to notice him. And still no dicking. Maybe next time.

 

 

Steve O'Brien

 

 

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