Q/A: Andy X Cable

We're asking, they're answering.



Turn Left - The unofficial Guide to Doctor Who Roadsigns


Explain your book as if you would to a normal person.

My book is very important as it's a record of what kept me happy when my website was taken away from me. I would walk around and see road signs and they would remind of what makes me happy and Doctor Who makes me happy so the road signs made me happy and went in the book because of it.


What's your desert island Doctor Who story?

I am sorry but I can't think of any Doctor Who stories with desert islands in them. However there's a mirage of a desert in the story The Vengeance Of Varos which has a little green boy called Sil on a fish tank who laughs a lot and watches telly. The fourth Doctor, played by the actor Tom Baker, was once on something like a desert island in the story The Deadly Assassin where an assassin was trying to kill someone but I'm not sure who because it all got a bit confusing and there was a clown and a surgeon with a big needle.


Who's the best actor never to have played the Doctor?

I misread the question at first. I can't think of anyone who hasn't played the Doctor as there are so many of them now. I would like to have seen more stories with the actor Peter Cushing because he was in the Hollywood film of Doctor Who which had really big Daleks and a younger Susan who didn't like Ian because he was stupid.


Shag, Marry, Kill - Caroline John, Damaris Hayman, Mary Morris

I had to ask my friend Colin to explain this question to me because it's very rude. "Shag" is a naughty word and not one I would use normally, but if I had to make love to one of those three ladies it would be the actress Caroline John who was very pretty and wore a short skirt. I would marry Damaris Hayman because she could tell me about filming The Dæmons starring the panel show host and occasional singer Jon Pertwee. I imagine they had a lot of fun making that story and even though lots of them are dead now, I'm sure it's still a happy memory for her. I think Mary Morris is already dead but I would kill her because she was so rude to the Fifth Doctor played by the open-faced Peter Davison and called him a fool which isn't very nice and is bullying.


Who's the most famous Doctor Who related person you've got in your phone contacts?

I have a phone number for Michael Sheard who was meant to sign my Pyramids Of Mars DVD several years ago, and although I sent it to him he never sent it back and never answers my calls which is unkind and I had to buy a new copy which was annoying because I can't really afford DVDs and had already bought it once.


Do you have all your Doctor Who DVDs in transmission order on your shelf?

I only have nine DVDs and they are in order of how much I like them. That way if I want to watch a story I know not to bother taking a disc from the right because it will be rubbish like a Graham Williams story, or something.


Which single episode would you like to be recovered?

The black and white stories are all rubbish which is why the BBC burned them, and the ones I have seen are still rubbish so I can't see them being any less rubbish, and to be honest I don't care if they find them or not because they were burned for a reason.


Which is your favourite regeneration scene?

When Peter Davison died from rubbing Peri's legs he saw all his old friends again and one of his old friends was Nyssa who is very pretty and very nice and I like her a lot. She was played by the actress Sarah Sutton who once sent me a signed postcard in the post and I also saw her once at the convention in Longleat and again at a convention in 2003 and again at a signing in London where she was wearing a pretty black skirt and a pretty blouse and she said "hello" to me when she signed my copy of the VHS of Black Orchid which you had to have with the stupid Visitation with when you bought it and I didn't want Visitation because it's rubbish and Eric Saward wrote it and I don't like him at all.


On a scale of nought to ten, how much do you like Katy Manning's DVD commentary contributions?

None of the DVDs I own have a commentary by the actress Katy Manning however she was very bubbly and gentle at Panopticon in 1993 when I met her and she signed my Inferno VHS which I took by mistake because I was sure she was in it and it turned out she wasn't but she signed it anyway which was very nice of her because Mary Tamm didn't.


Has a Doctor Who story ever made you cry?

Lots of them have made me cry either because I was crying before I put them on or because what happened in them was sad and upset me like when Nyssa, played by Sarah Sutton who's very pretty, left in the story Terminus which had the boy Turlough in it who I don't like because he kept trying to kill the Doctor which you shouldn't do because the Doctor's only trying to help.


Name a Doctor Who story you've never seen.

I've never bothered to watch a lot of Graham Williams rubbish but I've also never seen the story Marco Polo because the BBC burned it because it was rubbish but a boy a while back found some photos a man had taken of his telly when he was watching Marco Polo and it didn't look great and nor did his telly really. My telly's nicer and I know which of the two I'd take thirty photos of.


What evidence is there in your home that you like Doctor Who?

I'm still waiting for a lot of my collection to be returned by the police who have had it for nearly a year now, but my VHS and my paperback books are all in my house and so is the Dalek I tried to build and gave up on and I spoke about that in my book.


What percentage of your friends would know what "the Cartmel Masterplan" or "UNIT dating" means?

I don't really have many friends but even I don't know what either of them are. I am sorry about that.


Give us a hint of the most scandalous behind the scenes Doctor Who gossip you know.

When I had my old collection one of the actresses I spoke to about it asked me if I'd like some of hers and I said I would and she said I could take them off myself if I wanted to and I didn't want to because she smelled funny.



Andy X Cable is the author of Turn Left: The Unofficial & Unauthorised Guide To Doctor Who Road Signs, which you can buy here. His penis remains untouched by female hands.



Q/A: Andy X Cable
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